Lachrymose

Just feeling it all today. I haven't yet rested since I got home, the children are all out of sorts (as, I'm sure, is my friend who had them the whole time!), and I'm worried very much about some people I love. Praying for them, but I also want to be able to DO more.

Hubby may have found me a car. It needs a few things, but the price is right (or will be, when we have money). It's a tiny little car, no more big, fun truck. But will it be safe? And will I be okay driving? I know he can't understand, but the idea of driving has me frozen in fear right now. What if something happens again?
Maybe I'm over-thinking and under-trusting the Lord.

My Aspie daughter almost broke my fingers today. That was not fun. She actually got to the point where I went to give her a swat on her bottom, and she picked up a chair and swung it at me. So the chair and my fingers met mid-air, and all I can say is "Ouch!!" I think I actually shouted out, "Fudge!!" at the top of my lungs when it happened. I was so mad. I never spank her. It is counter-productive with a child like that. I should've known better.

As for sugar, all is fine. I bought some no sugar added mint chocolate chip ice cream. It's a joke. It has splenda in it, which is so much worse than sugar, and it tastes like it's from a powder. Ick. But I had a bowl last night, since I paid for it. It's still in the freezer. Don't know if I can bring myself to throw it out; It cost so much. But I don't really want it, either.

I'm probably going to put the child with Asperger's into public school next year. They think it will really help her. And it is so hard to teach the other children some days, with her needing my constant attention. Hubby and I have to pray about it. I really just want to do what is best for her.

Anyway, if anybody even reads this, I hope that you have a good day. God bless you.

Tonight's dinner: probably breaded chicken breast fillets and pasta salad.

Back from Texas

It was so good to see Ali and the boys!! But now it is so good to be home! I just finished a meeting with the school board about my Aspie. Have some pretty big decisions to make. But I'm way too tired today!!

I had some sugar in Texas, but I don't think I like it much anymore. It was way too sweet!! I didn't even like the taste of a peanut butter cookie or frosting from a cake!! Thank you, Jesus!!! So I am done with the detoxing, just have to make sure I don't fall into any old ruts.

It is so good to see my children! They are all fighting and acting up and whiny, but I missed them so!

2 Weeks Down!!

2 Weeks of no sugar!! Yay!!

2 more days until I see my Ali!! I think we're getting a little taste of the weather there today!! It's beautiful!!

I made chicken soup this morning, and pretzels (finally!!)

Tonight's Dinner: beef stew with white rice, salad, garlic bread. =)

13 days

Got to go to church today. Such a good message!

 I am so thankful today for all that God has given me!

3 days left between now and when I get to go see my Ali!!

tonight's dinner: I think we're ordering pizza. yay!

Effects of the Fire

I'm sorry to still be going on about the car fire. It has been 2 days (in an hour) since it happened, and it's not really a big thing probably, but it is still fresh in my mind.

I haven't really slept since it happened. It's really weird, the way that emotions work. Through the day, it's not scary. I can look at it and see how God protected us. I am even grateful that He thought us worthy! But at night when I lie down, it's like a switch in my brain flips, and it's pretty scary. Every time I close my eyes, I see the car burning. Sometimes I'm in it as it burns. Sometimes I cannot get the children out. Neither one is how it actually happened, but both of them scare me like crazy. When I do fall asleep, I wake up crying or yelling.

I think the children (my little Shadrach, Meshach, and Abendigo!) are fighting off fear themselves. They are being awful to each other.

However, I do believe this car fire was a good thing. I am so thankful for things I was taking for granted before. I have seen God's love so much through this. It was more than enough that He saved us, it was a miracle that He got us out in time, but the fact that He then proceeded to provide for the things I was concerned about, things that were not nearly as important, is beyond me! I cannot even grasp how great a God He is to do all of that!!

And for me! I am nothing!! I am no great missionary or teacher. I am not famous. I have no human importance. But to the God of the universe, the One who created not only the smallest detail of the smallest child in the womb but also the greatest expanse of the greatest galaxies in space, saw fit to use my family this week to show His grace!!

As we go through the rest of our lives, I want this memory to burn clear in our minds. I want us to remember the fire. I want us to remember the importance of telling people we love them, and treating them right, but mainly, I want us to always remember that life is so finite. There is no guarantee we will be living even 5 minutes from now. there is no time to put off anything the Lord has called us to do. We MUST tell people of him. We MUST use our gifts. We MUST encourage and strengthen the brethren. Otherwise, we have wasted the time He has given us.

2 Corinthians 4:8-9 - " We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair;  persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed--"


Psalm 9:10 - "And those who know Your name will put their trust in You; For You, LORD, have not forsaken those who seek You."


Romans 8:35-39 - "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written: "For Your sake we are killed all day long; We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter."Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Day..12, I think

Hey, Everyone! I didn't blog yesterday. Too much to take care of. We took the kids for brunch, and they had ice cream for dessert, and I realized that I didn't even really want any. So, thank GOD, I think I am finally not "needing" sugar!!! Yay!!!!!! A whole life of "needing" it done in something like 12 days!!!

Now I am not worried if I have some in Texas or whatever. I don't know if I'll like it or not. But I will get a coffee with my Ali!!

Tonight's dinner: still undecided.

update

God has provided for all f our costs involved. What a Provider we have!!

Crazy Day goes up in flames!!

I was driving home from the store today, my 3 precious children in the back seat, when the car stopped. I thought the engine had seized. I pulled over and put on my hazards. Then this mailman pulls up out of nowhere and yells, "You're on fire! You're on fire! Get out!" (I swear he was an angel!) I got the kids out and grabbed my purse to call my Mom, and not even 10 seconds later, the car was engulfed in flames, rising at least 6 feet above the car! 10 seconds longer in the car, and my children and I would have been dead!! These sweet elderly people were there, comforting us and standing with us the whole time.

Now I have to pay for the towing, and the insurance wont cover any of it, as we paid the car off last month and switched to basic insurance. Oh, brother! Thank God those aren't the important things! It all just helps to remind me that I don't want any attachments to anything here!! My children are alright!!

Mom has a great perspective on this: We need to be like that mailman, warning people of the fire, and saving them. Telling them to get out!

If you are reading this blog, and you do not know Jesus as your Savior, you need to give your life to Him. Run! The flames are there, and you cannot even see them. Turn from your sins and follow Him. It is not too late!

Tenth Day..

Must be totally detoxing here. I have less than no energy. And I'm so hungry!! If I didn't have to get up this morning, I would still be sleeping!!

I did some dancing on the Kinect with Mom. Tomorrow, I'm getting a personal lesson in kickboxing!! Then I get 3 classes and free gloves for $19.99! I am so excited!! I have always wanted to learn kickboxing!!

Tonight's dinner is still un-decided: either pierogies with chicken and peppers or just pesto pasta. I'll probably go with the pierogies. I have a great recipe for pesto pasta with shrimp, so maybe I'll buy some shrimp tomorrow.

Have a great day, Everyone!!
Ali, I'll see you in 8 days!!!!!!! =)

9 Days Down!!

WooHoo!! My dad told me once that it takes 14 days for your body to no longer be physically addicted to a substance. I am almost there!!

I'm sure I will have some sugar when I'm with my Ali in Texas, but that's not for 9 more days, so by then, it may be gross to me!! (That'd be amazing!!)

Okay, so here is the stuff I should've put in the first blog. The "About Me" stuff:

I am a 32 year old woman with 3 children. I am a Christian, a Star Wars fan, and a movie buff. My ideal movie is a Christian action kung-fu sci-fi. That'd be very, very cool! I'm a freelance artist, tatto designer (I tattoo also, but not for anyone other than friends and family anymore. Too expensive a habit!), video editor, home school Mom, cake decorator, baker, and seamstress. In other words, I keep pretty busy. I'd like to own my own cake decorating business someday. Anyway, the purpose of this blog is just to share my everyday life with you. Right now, I am trying to detox my body from sugar, so that's my main focus on here.

I would also like to give you a link to an awesome ministry that I am honored to be close to, Africa4God. Here is the link, if it shows up that way: Africa4God.com
Pray for them, and support them if you can. One of my dreams is to get out there one day and serve with them.

So there you have it, or me. Whatever.

Tonight's dinner is chicken parmesan, rotini, homemade sauce, and chick peas. (It smells really good in here right now!)



Update: I was sitting here tonight, all happy, eating Chex Mix. Then, suddenly, the idea hit me. I looked at the back of the bag. Sugar was the 5th ingredient!! Noooooooo!!!!!! I was doing so well!!

So I drank a lot of water to try and flush it out.

Day 8: Blessings and More Blessings

We are mid- day 8. This morning was a little crazy. It was like I had a melt-down. Weird.

But it got better. I got an order shipped out, and then went to my friend's house. She had clothes hampers for me. Awesome! She also gave me a whole set of house phones with an answering machine, a couple of dresses for my girls, and a suitcase for one of them. What a blessing!! (And all I brought her was some chicken stock!)

We had a good home-schooling day. The whole family got involved, and we even got our poetry class for this week in! Then Julian took all of the children to the park.

I made garlic balls (with safflower oil instead of olive oil for extra tummy fat melting!!). Now I'm getting laundry done and making dinner.

I'm really not desiring sugar too much today. I was a little when I had a crazy freezer fiasco earlier, but it was like a fleeting thought. That's progress. I'm thankful.

Tonight's dinner is black bean and venison chili with tostadas and cheddar cheese.

Have a great day! Thank you to those who have been reading and sending me encouragement! =)

Hanging on by a thread...

Totally stressing out right now. I feel like I can feel my blood boiling. We are mid-meltdown here. Aspie child is currently being held down by her father to try and calm her. We had a visit from friends, and it was nice, but my daughter was having a very hard time. She never gets along well with other children, but does have 2 friends. One of them was here, and they weren't getting along tonight. She was in every 5 minutes, crying and wailing. After they left, I told her to take a shower. She started screaming at the top of her lungs and kicking and throwing things (pretty typical with her). She did the same thing yesterday, and had to end up taking her meltdown meds. They made her fall asleep, and she ended up with no shower. So now she is stinky, and really needs one. This is not fun. I want to go bake a cookie cake.

Update: She took a shower (thank God!!), and I didn't turn to sugar, but I prayed. I am so glad for that, but now I am absolutely wiped. I feel like I ran a marathon.

I don't know how I'm going to do this!

Day 7: Time Changes and Pretty Shirts

Had to miss church today. First I woke up, but went back to sleep. When Julian woke me up, I had been dreaming about getting ready for church! I actually thought I was awake! Then I got all ready, wearing my beautiful purple shirt. And Israel has a fever. Aarrgghh!

I feel pretty good today, though. I think my body is finally detoxing from sugar!! Yay!! Looking forward to my family getting home!

Tonight's Dinner: shephard's pie (made with venison). And maybe I'll make those pretzels I've been thinking about!!

Have an awesome day!! =)

Day 6

Day 6. I drank a Tablespoon of safflower oil (yuck!), starting the shangri-la diet. So I am eating my first meal, at 12:23 pm. I was really full after the oil, but then I got really hungry. Still no sugar. I still want it, but less than I did yesterday. I'm also less cranky. Not un-cranky, just less!

I was up early, making chicken stock and then chicken soup. I'm thinking of making pretzels, though I may wait until after church tomorrow.

Holly is coming over today instead. I re-scheduled yesterday. I was way too cranky and stressed.

Tonight's Menu: pork roast, arroz con gandules, salad, garlic bread. The children still haven't had the chocolate cake, so hopefully they'll get rid of it today!

Day 5: Goals and Obstacles

Day 5 of no sugar. I think I need to list my goals and obstacles here.

Goals: - to lose weight, obviously. Less sugar = less calories, right? I'm so sick of being the fat lady!!
           - to not be a slave to sugar any longer (not to turn to it to fix my emotions)
           - to re-program my body from it. I don't plan on never having sugar again. That's not a realistic goal for           me. I want to teach my body not to crave it.

Obstacles: - headaches and crankiness. I want to scream at everyone and stuff my face with brownies. (that's whay I have the second goal there!)
                 - having a daughter with Asperger Syndrome. The stress of always having to fight for her, and with her, is a whole lot. Short of God's grace, I could not deal with this!
                 - homeschooling. I love teaching my children at home, but having them here 24/7, snacking, can be difficult. Especially when I want them to finish up the sweets so I don't!!

My good friend Holly is coming for dinner tonight. She's bringing her scale, so I can see how much I weigh. I have not been weighed since my surgery, 2 years ago. I'm afraid of the result. I will not post my weight here, not until I lose it. But I do need to know, even if it hurts.

Tonight's dinner: whole roasted garlic chicken, stuffing, mashed potatoes, corn, garlic bread, and of course salad. The children have chocolate cake for dessert. No dessert for us adults tonight!!

homemade mozzarella

Made it! It went great with our chicken piccata tonight!
Okay, you can make this ONLY if you pronounce it correctly!! It is mootz-ah-relle or you can pronounce the a on the end. If you say mahtz-ah-rella, it makes me want to slap you!!
It turned out okay. I think next time, I want to try and work with it a bit less, so it's softer.

You need: 1 gallon milk (pasteurized, but not ultra-pasteurized. If you can get it fresh, it would probably be a whole lot better!)
                 1/4 rennet tablet (you can get them on Amazon) dissolved in 1/4 cup COLD water (not tap water)
                 1 1/2 tsp. citric acid dissolved in 1 1/2 cups COLD water (not tap water)
                 salt or seasonings to taste
   **Amazon sells a great mozzarella making kit. It has the rennet, citric acid, thermometer, gloves, and cheese salt
-in huge, non-metallic pot, heat the milk to 85 degrees.
-add citric acid water, and stir with whisk for 20 seconds
-bring temp up to 100 degrees
-add rennet water, and whisk or stir with slotted spoon for 30 seconds (no more!)
-when temp reaches 105, turn off the heat and cover.
-in 10 minutes, check to see if the curd (part that looks like cottage cheese) indents after you press it with the back of a spoon. If not, give it a few more minutes.
-carefully using a slotted spoon, move the curds to a colander (inside of a big bowl).
-press with the spoon until whey (the yellow-y liquid)all comes out. This took me about 7 minutes.
-transfer to a large microwave-safe bowl and heat in microwave for 1 minute.
-move back to colander and squeeze more whey out. fold curds and press together.
-put back in bowl and heat for another 30-45 seconds (curds should be 135 degrees)
-knead with hands or spoon until shiny and firming up (took me like 4 minutes)
-stretch the cheese by lifting half and stretching, then drop and shape.

I made 4 balls out of this recipe. You get about a pound total. But my hands were burning and I wanted to be quick, so I didn't do any fancy braids or anything.

Enjoy!! If you make this, let me know how it turns out for you!! =)

               
               

no sugar

Today is my 4th day off of sugar. I am very, very cranky. Want sugar, but don't want it to have such a hold on me.
Aaaaarrrrrgggghhhhhhhh!!

In other "news", I am seriously looking into the Shangri-La diet. Silly name, but it seems like it'll work. Dunno. Nothing to lose at this weight at any rate! (Except a lot of the weight!!)

Anyway, we are going to make mozzarella today. I'll let you know how it turns out.